Yesterday was my first day back at the office. I have a million things to catch up on, but overall it was fine. The night before, however, I had a little breakdown. How can I leave my baby? She is so little! She needs her mother! I'll miss her! How can I only see her for 4 hours a day? She is too cute to leave. It's just not fair!!
I had a nice cry, so sad about what I had to do, but the next morning I was fine. Going to work is important. It pays the bills. It helps fulfill my adult self. It provides interaction with different people. Evelyn will be fine with her dad for a day, and with her grandmother or her aunt. She doesn't NEED me every moment of every day. She just needs someone who loves her, and she'll have that 24 hours a day.
While I'm sure about going back to work, I'm not so sure about breastfeeding and working full-time. After just two days I am so exhausted I don't know how long I can function. Getting up 2 or 3 times a night, then waking at 6:00am to nurse and get ready for work--it's nearly impossible. Pumping three times a day at the office is an inconvenience and slows productivity, but it is much more manageable. I keep telling myself "every day with breastmilk is better than one without," so I'm going to take this one day at a time. I also keep telling myself Evelyn won't wake up so much at night forever. Someday, at least I've heard, babies sleep through the night.
(Last night was particularly bad. Evie was up at 11:30pm, 2:00am, 4:30am...nightmare. We had been on a pretty good schedule of a very large feeding right before bed at 8:30pm, then waking at 1:30 or 2am and then not again until 6am. Sigh. I'm still giving her the big feed at 8pm so I'm not sure why she started waking up more. Maybe it was just two nights in a row of waking up 3 times and now she'll go back to twice a night! Fingers crossed!)
I had a nice cry, so sad about what I had to do, but the next morning I was fine. Going to work is important. It pays the bills. It helps fulfill my adult self. It provides interaction with different people. Evelyn will be fine with her dad for a day, and with her grandmother or her aunt. She doesn't NEED me every moment of every day. She just needs someone who loves her, and she'll have that 24 hours a day.
While I'm sure about going back to work, I'm not so sure about breastfeeding and working full-time. After just two days I am so exhausted I don't know how long I can function. Getting up 2 or 3 times a night, then waking at 6:00am to nurse and get ready for work--it's nearly impossible. Pumping three times a day at the office is an inconvenience and slows productivity, but it is much more manageable. I keep telling myself "every day with breastmilk is better than one without," so I'm going to take this one day at a time. I also keep telling myself Evelyn won't wake up so much at night forever. Someday, at least I've heard, babies sleep through the night.
(Last night was particularly bad. Evie was up at 11:30pm, 2:00am, 4:30am...nightmare. We had been on a pretty good schedule of a very large feeding right before bed at 8:30pm, then waking at 1:30 or 2am and then not again until 6am. Sigh. I'm still giving her the big feed at 8pm so I'm not sure why she started waking up more. Maybe it was just two nights in a row of waking up 3 times and now she'll go back to twice a night! Fingers crossed!)
And for fun, here is a picture of Evelyn with her new favorite toy, Leggy the Octopus. It is actually a dog toy that Sophie didn't like. Shh...don't tell Evie!
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