Round 2

This is a story of a stupid thing I did.

You will recall that a few months ago I decided to give up soda cold turkey. I was focused on the yummy, brown, caffeinated sodas, the Diet Cokes and Diet Dr Peppers of the world. The month it took to feel free of headaches and cravings (yes, a whole MONTH), was one of the hardest self-inflected suckfests in recent memory. The first week was hellish. I had dreams of Diet Coke--seriously. I woke up immediately wanting a giant soda. I even cried a couple of times. Honestly, it was pretty embarassing how addicted I had become.

The days and weeks following that month, after I had kicked the sauce and didn't "need" it anymore, were AWESOME. I had done it! I conqured the beast! Slayed the dragon! Maybe just one Diet Coke with lunch wouldn't be so bad, since I was clearly so awesome at not being addicted anymore, right?

I think you know where this is going. I had one soda with lunch a few times. I ordered a medium, not a large, and patted myself on the back for such self-control. Then it was a large soda once a day. Then maybe a soda any time I ate out. I still didn't have soda in the house so I figured I was doing just fine. But then I brought some into the house for a party. And pretty soon I was driving through McDonalds in the morning to get a big soda for work, oh and why don't we make it two large sodas because I know I'll want one later. And maybe a large soda at lunch, and ....

I am right back where I started. One month to kick it, only a few weeks to slide right back.

Dammit! I don't think the craving or addiction is as bad as it was when I went cold turkey the first time, but it won't be long before it is. I want to be able to have it just a little, but maybe I can't. Like a freakin' alcoholic! Only this stuff won't kill me (quickly) or cause me to endanger people on the road. It will, however, cost me a lot of money and do damage to my body over time.

So tomorrow begins Soda Withdrawls Part Deux.

Lame.

Holiday cheer

This is not a post about holiday cheer. Because I do not feel cheerful. I feel burdened by the holidays this year, moreso than I can remember in recent years. It has nothing to do with the many family members I am so excited to see and spend time with this season, but with the material things.


My bah humbug mood is more because this holiday season is just a stopping point in an already hectic time in life. I don't want to unpack the Christmas decorations because we'll just have to pack them back up, and by that time we'll be packing up the whole house. We have so much change coming, but it is two months away (so close!), and I'm ready already.

But also, cuz we are broke.

Not in the real sense. We have an enormous amount of money (for me) sitting in our savings account right now, just waiting for the closing date on our house. We recently bought a refrigerator, washer and dryer, and new TV for the house. But these are all things we HAVE to do (OK, not the TV), and we are saving a little over 1/3 of our income every month to prepare for the new house. We are so close, but still so far. With the down payment, closing costs, insurance, property taxes, etc., we still need to save another few thousand before February. It will be close, but we can do it.

Given that we are in austerity mode (which we totally suck at), and yet it is the season for consuming and buying and giving, I have been feeling a little left out. We decided no gifts for adults family members this year, and very limited gifts for each other. I'm sure the adults in our lives will understand as they've nearly all had the first house brokeness themselves. (It's funny that once we move in, we will actually have a lot more wiggle room in our budget than we do now!) But it doesn't feel good.

Yeah, I know the real meaning of Christmas isn't in the gifts, but in the love we share. But buying gifts is fun! And so I feel an annoying malaise come over me as we roll into December.

There is another side to this, though.

Interestingly, along with this malaise comes a feeling of overwhelming luckiness and gratitude. I've felt much more drawn to donate gifts or money to people in need than I have previously. I know my whining about not being able to buy gifts for my mom for one year because I am BUYING A HOUSE is a first world problem to the 100th degree. I am blessed beyond measure. My cup runneth over. My heart grew two sizes that day. I want everyone to be as lucky and as joyful as I am. The world is callous in its unfairness towards good people who need a break. I'm unendingly thankful for the blessings of my life.

And so there you have it. Schizophrenic holiday cheer/bah humbug. Enjoy.