A kitchen and a bummer

I know the pictures aren't great, but how cute is Evelyn with her new play kitchen? Super cute. Carol found it at a garage sale for like $30. She put all of Evelyn's toys in the drawers and oven and Evie had fun pulling them all out. She is so adorable.

And this smile. It's blurry, but fabulous.

It's been almost 10 months since Evelyn was born, but sometimes I still have anxiety flashbacks to her birth. Not like PTSD or something serious, just a tightening in the chest or a turn of the stomach when I think back to that day. When I see a traumatic surgery prep on a TV show or a mom kissing her new baby after delivery, I get a little sad. I can't remember all of that day, but I can remember the pain, the shock from blood loss, the fear. I can remember getting wheeled into the operating room, getting the catheter, getting the IVs, watching the doctors rush around, knowing something was really wrong. I can not, however, remember the first time I saw Evelyn. I can't remember the first time I held her. That makes me sad.

We might have another baby, but we might not, and either way the chance of me going through childbirth the "old-fasioned way" is pretty slim. I won't get to experience that particular joy. Is that really so awful? No. I have a beautiful daughter and it doesn't matter how she got here. But still...

So that is my bummer bring-down for the day. Enjoy.